Shut up stars, you don't KNOW ME

So, this website claims to list some of the things that your astrological sign hates. I of course had to look. That kind of stuff makes me really curious and half the time I believe it, so I searched for Pisces on the list. Here's what it said for me. Laugh all you want...because I did.

Places that are too hot
This is, surprisingly, true. I cannot stand it if it is over 75 degrees outside and you can pretty much consider anything dealing with humidity a huge out for me. Having grown up in Northern California, the heat has been present, but easily avoidable. Being on the coast has always added a nice ocean breeze to the mix. However this doesn't mean I totally loathe it; my family and I regularly visit Death Valley and the National Parks of Southern California. Plus, in 10th grade, I did an exchange trip with a school in Tahiti and had an amazing time. Let's put it this way: I don't love it. I won't search it out. But to experience amazing things, some times you have to face what you hate. It's that simple.

Losing their sunglasses
What sunglasses? What is this? LA? Italy in every Hollywood movie? Does the whole effing world wear sunglasses?

Polluted water
Well, gee, yeah. I do hate it. You got me. I'm amazed and totally convinced. But doesn't EVERYONE? Oh no wait, I heard the sign Sagittarius is really into polluted water. This definitely won't be on their list. (The only reason this is here is because Pisces is a water sign - nice try trying to give this some credibility/believability jack ass.)

People who laugh too loud
Depends. What do we mean by "people"? Do we mean the people sitting at the table next to me in the restaurant having a private conversation way too loudly? Are they, at the same time, slurping down bowl after bowl of Miso soup and eating plate after plate of sushi (bastards. I could never afford that much sushi)? Because I do hate them. Or do you mean my room mate Ellen, whose loud boisterous laugh brings me eons of joy? Even at 1am I love to hear it wake me from my slumber.

People who walk away from arguments
That's just because they're PUSSSIES and know that I WILL WIN IF THEY STAY.

Alcoholics
Alright, problems with this statement:
1) I would be a hypocrite (half kidding).
2) I would hate all my friends (3/4 kidding).
3) I would hate almost everyone my age (not kidding).
4) We all have our vices and obsessions. Who am I to judge?

Being denied access to grandchildren
Oh God. Oh. My. God. Ever since my daughter put them in private school and moved out to the suburbs, I never get to see them. I miss them. I sent them checks for their birthday and never got a thank you letter. It is killing me inside. No but really...that would suck. If I had any.

Having to wear prescription glasses
Yo, what UP, reppin' 20/20 vision RIGHT HERE BITCHEZZZZZ.

Cars that waste energy
Once again...most. people. do. And if they don't, it's not because they're a Virgo or something. It's because they're from the Midwest. Just kidding. Sorry Karina.

Slow drivers
Well I don't drive, but I hate slow walkers. Does that count? When I have somewhere to be and the person in front of me is taking their sweet time, I want to punch them in the back of the head. Tourists make this especially hard for me. Actually, even when I don't have anywhere to be, I still get pissed off. I hate being in transit. In the words of Tom Wolfe, "The intrepid traveler takes one step and he is there!"